I have been living at my parents house for the past few months, and while I would usually cry foul for such an unfortunate situation after flying the nest, it does lead to a little comic relief every once in a while…

We have cousins of ours come to cut the grass every week for the past few years, and while most people would discern the grass has been cut when the grass ends up shorter at the end of an evening than it was at the start of that same day, I found that it is not always so cut and dry for everyone – no pun intended.. At all..

So there I was, brushing my teeth in the bathroom the other day, admiring the red hair of my facial beard that I, in all honesty, have no fucking clue why I have.  Yes, My brothers are all 5 years apart in age, until I broke that trend with a slick 2 year difference from the previous youngest brother, but that doesn’t mean my mother cheated with David Caruso, right?  Now, if you want to argue Danny Bonaduce, than I might even grease those wheels a little – Danny was a young fireball at the time, and was fresh off starring in four episodes of “CHiPs“.  But not Caruso…

Anyway, As I brushed with a manual toothbrush – I sometimes try to simulate my old Sonicare Toothbrush due to an inferiority complex, but it is both physically and emotionally hard on me – my dad yelled up to me, “DID THE KIDS COME TODAY AND CUT THE GRASS??”

I remained quiet for a few seconds, wondering if perhaps he was just fucking with me.  We have many windows in the house, and he no doubt was near one, wherever he was yelling from.  Alas, upon repeating his question, I slowed my brushing to the pace of an Oral B Electric brush, and told him I did not know – I had not yet had the chance to look out the window, or walk in the grass the way he had when he came home 5 minutes earlier.

I sat on this question, amused every time I thought about it, until I finally brought it back up the next evening.  I just wanted to know – why did he ask me this?  Was there a reason that he maybe had an inkling that the grass was cut, however, could not confirm nor deny it without a second source to ask?  So….. Dad… What gave it away that the grass may have been cut?

“There was grass clippings in the driveway,” he answered.

Right – so it was grass clippings in the driveway that gave it away something happened – not the fact that the lawn was neatly manicured after a week of rain?

Uhhh.  So lets just recap this situation, as there are a few different directions I could see him taking this observation.  There are grass clippings in the driveway, therefore a) the kids came and cut the grass, b) random grass clippings blew into the driveway and the kids did not come and cut the grass, b-1) this could have been confirmed by looking 3 feet over at the grass to see it short and even or uncut, or c) a rash of unaccounted for grass cuttings have been happening in the neighborhood, with my parents being the latest victim, in which a grass ninja cuts your grass, and then leaves without a trace.

So, dad, I love you, but I was wondering – did the kids come and cut the grass?


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